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Submitted on
December 12, 2013
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The first man to ever carry an umbrella in England had the crap mocked out of him: tealcartoons.com/2013/05/20/jo…
Real men with not enough money for the carriage ride just keep their hat on.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-04-28
The sopping worst by PlayinTheDead ( Suggested by Halatia and Featured by neurotype )
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:iconbraxton-t-rutledge:
Braxton-T-Rutledge Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014
The first line sucked me in, but the rest of the prose didn't live up to it. The imagery was fairly good, the dialogue wasn't pushing the story quite hard enough, but really, the first line was so good the rest felt like a let down, even though there's nothing that stands out as broken spots. I think this would work better for me if you ran through and did line editing, making the prose as taut as possible. I feel like you did a good job with the plot, I think rain and a funeral are a little cliche, but it didn't feel cliche here.

best dialogue was about the umbrella. I almost wish you'd kept it going a little more as they trudged. This is one of the better prose dd's I have seen this year.
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:iconvfreie:
VFreie Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014
Would you mind being a bit more specific on where the dialogue is weak and things not taut enough?
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:iconnichrysalis:
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Great, and I mean great, opening line. The whole piece is well done in general, but you definitely had me hooked from the first line. :love:
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:iconvfreie:
VFreie Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014
I often get into trouble with hooks, so that's particularly sweet to know. c: And thanks!
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:iconnichrysalis:
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome!
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014   Writer
Congratulations on the DD! This is one to read more than once. Thank you.
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:iconvfreie:
VFreie Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014
You're welcome, and I'm honoured you find worth rereading. :nod:
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014   Writer
:heart:
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:iconpomohippie7:
pomohippie7 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014   Writer
Your piece has been chosen as one of the Outstanding Pieces for the month of February here at Word-Smiths! Congratulations. :)
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